Last Post of the School Year! (even though school is out...) Conformity again and People

"you sign prince of darkness
try squire of dimness 
please don't help me with this"

-She's Your Cocaine Tori Amos

I have so much to say, so be prepared for a monster post. First, I need to follow up on my conformity post because I guess I didn't make my point right. I also wanted say goodbye to all of my readers and followers and friends and Mr. Thompson, of course. Like last time I am going to try and break all of the ideas up by color.

Okay, now I really am going to do a follow up "Conforming to Nonconformism" post because I don't think I made my point clear.

Conformism is to comply to society, not to be a robot. Someone told me that we all have our own personal degree of conformity and nonconformity. This made me think of it like a color spectrum, you know the line that goes through all the colors, but is basically just a strip. This made me kind of mad, because it doesn't seem like that at all to me. I think of it more like the color circle you see when choosing a font color in word. there are so many ways to be different, it is not as uniform as the spectrum makes it out to be. We don't just have degrees, we have our own style and taste and go about life, you can't graph that by just a spectrum. Everyone is completely different and may act how you see as normal, but that is because you only see one side of them. No one is the definition of normal that you have in your mind, and you can't take it as degrees by just what you may see of them at that time. You have no idea who someone is or who they are going to be, you can't say "Oh, they are a conformist, they have no creativity what so ever. They only want to fit in, they don't actually think anything nearly as creative and useful as me because they are so busy acting like someone else so they can be accepted." By thinking that you would be thinking like so many and making your own thoughts less unique, oh the irony of it all. You can't think that secretly everyone wants to be like you or that everyone is faking, your group is the only truly genuine one. You are you, you don't want to be like so-and-so, and I would bet so-and-so doesn't dream of being you. There is not one type of person, you can't assume that there is. There is not a set number of "types of people" if fact most people are more than one "type" of person, it depends on mood and company, so stop thinking that someone is fake. All that needs to matter to you about how they act is what effects you. As long as they are happy and their behavior isn't hindering or harming you, you don't need to assume there is some secret depression or hidden motive to their actions just let it be.

These pictures don't show quite what I had in mind, but they do show you something. See how on the spectrum there are different colors, but there are like main colors that are the same on top and bottom, and there is only so many different colors you would be able to be. The circles have different shades from the middle to the edge. There is a lot more room for variation. On the hexagon shaped one you can see more about how many different things there are, it isn't just blue or purple, it are many different blues. In the spectrum you can mainly see one blue, but in the hexagon you can try to count, but there are so many and some of the colors you may classify as blue but someone else would classify it as something else.

Something that I have been hearing a lot lately is that you need to be honest Not like saying don't lie, but like the truth needs to be spoken."It is okay to hate people," is something I have heard from a few sources. My problem is I don't like to make people upset. I am so concerned with if I am going to hurt so-and-so sometimes that it just hurts me. I am learning that you don't actually have to be nice to everyone like you are told to be. Another thing said to me is, "The truth is hard, but it must be spoken." You may not see this as incredibly profound, but it is good advice. It is hard to say something that will make someone upset, but it is sometimes necessary. When someone is not doing something okay, there is only so much tolerance they should expect. You hear nonstop that you need to not judge people, but I was told that it isn't your job to judge people, but it is your job to judge how good they are for you. This seems good, because you aren't condemning anyone, but you also aren't being a push over. You can assume everyone is good at heart while knowing that you are not the one supposed to be their friend and help them. You may help them and bring them up, but if they are bringing you down more than you are bringing them up, it's not good and you should rethink it. You can say that not everyone is as lucky as some, situations are all different and you can't assume you understand anybody's situation. At the same time, you can control somethings. One of my teachers said something about how some people are dealt a crappy hand of cards, but after a while the cards are what you make them. You don't need to be sorry about your life and just feel bad for yourself, you can change your life. You may not be able to change everything, but you can change how you think about it. Your hand of cards is now up to you, there are some factors you can never change, but really most factors you can change.

Another thing I have heard is: You need to stand up and fight for yourself. I personally will stand up for almost anyone, but I won't defend myself. My friend Jinni seems similar to me in defending people. She is okay with someone talking crap about her, but as soon as on of her friends gets hurt she is right there. Once this boy named Tucker kept saying things about my friend Jinni and I lost it at him. I told him how wrong he was and was getting really worked up. When he got sick of it he shoved me as hard as he could. I hit a wall and blacked out for just a second, I couldn't really stand back up, but I tried. When Jinni heard me hit the wall she turned around and as soon as she saw it she ran up. She had her arms around me and started yelling at that Tucker as loud as she could.

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I guess that is some year end advice or something. On to people!

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Goodbye! (although I think I will try to keep posting if I can, and I will see some of you next year.)

Pink Lady: How do I begin with you? You always listen to my Eddie stories, and side with me. You hate Joanne because Joanne and I have a rivalry, and you are very... verbal about it. I can't help but laugh when you call her names, even though it is so mean to laugh. You seriously help me so much in Honors English and I don't know if I would ever remember my Biology without you. You are funny and nice and just all around awesome. I love the conversations we have had and am so sad we aren't going to the same school next year! Who will I tell all my Eddie stories to?! I love you so much, you are an amazing friend. (Oh, and thanks for giving me a ride that one time, your car was so cool with all the Thai music and Thai speaking!)

Taylor: You won't read this, but you are one of my best friends. You have been by my side through it all. You have never teased me about what everyone else does and you always listen. This year I think we really became good friends. You went to Mr. T's room with me every time I had to go talk to him (which was a lot), even if you rolled your eyes or didn't understand why. You are so nice and sweet to everyone. You get my humor and are always nice and and in a good mood. You work hard and are really funny. You don't accept compliments, but you deserve everyone of them. You got student of the month in music this year and you deserved it. You didn't want to go if the teacher was going to talk about you, but you did anyways and got a double speech! You never judge and try to be nice to everyone. Thank you for always being there and for talking to Thompson like everyday. I still have your pictures from the beginning of the year and will never forget your clay cat, our garbage elephant, or painting at the carnival in sixth grade. Also, you protect me from 4'0'' seventh graders...

Fae: You are evil and have never been nice to me, but I still love you. You look so sweet and kind, but then you are not. You come up to my locker to tell me that I am stupid and never run out of insults, but you are so funny I can't help but laugh. Fridays are your good day I guess, but only verbally you told me. You body slam me in the halls and shove me into groups of people and random lockers, and even push Taylor so she will hit me, but it is so funny I can't be mad. I am going to be sad to not see you next year, there will be no one to "bully" me and no one for me to "Report."

Moogle Kid, Salsa Sideways, Zenna, Ezlob, Raven Goode: I don't know where to start with you. Moogle Kid, thanks for writing about me in your blog. My favorite quote of yours was "A little shy, she is overlooked for most of the games, until the other competitors realize there's someone missing. She can swim, she can hide, and she has Jamie." When I see that I really wonder if I am that invisible that no one would even realize I was gone? I hope I have changed that and you see me now. ;) Also, do I hide? And thank you so much for making my identity about a boy. I must mean a whole ton. Now I get that it is different, I think now you know me better. I am almost sorry about creeping you out, but it is a great way to get back at you. You write fiction and then act like it is me, but it is so funny. It is great to me that even when I hold your face to make you squirm you still will talk to me. I would like to think we are friends, but FYI I am just me, not a combo of me and a boy who you want me to be with ;). I hope we see each other again too. Your "Sarah and Jamie" thing was annoying, but it was funny and I am glad we are friends, even if it took in inordinate amount of cracks at my life. (Oh, and if fiction is based on reality, what is Star Wars based on?! hmmmmm?!?)

Assuming I got the names right, Salsa I am going to miss you. Lunch was pretty fun, watching you eat your muffin with a knife everyday and making fun of me (Y'all sure like to do that...) and talking about seminary. I still can't believe that you don't like seminary and were never nice to the teacher.. *Shakes head* Oh, and Zenna only reminds me of you, You are my favorite.

Zenna, I will not ever forget you, no matter how hard I may try. We started out as not great friends, but in Biology and Foods I think that changed. From the notes we passed and all that to "I saw that glance!!" we had some good times. In social dance we had fun, and you seem to get what I say the best out of Moogle and Salsa and Ezlob and you. You don't get awkward either... Oh, and just wanted to tell you that, "Every time we touch, I get this feeling..." (To anyone else who may read that and suddenly feel really awkward: it is the lyrics to a song for social dance... Yeah, Moogle kid doesn't seem to get it either...)

Ezlob: YOU Killed MY Stickman! You call him twisty tie man, but his name was stick man and I made him and you killed him. I will never forgive you.

Raven Goode: Sorry if you were annoyed after the dance. It has been fun getting to know you, you are so sweet. I'm sad you're going to davis. In fact, you all are... I will stalk you all or something, because who will mock me mercilessly without you guys there?

(Here is Moogle Kid's Blog if you want to see. This post explains some of the names and "Sarah and Jamie" stuff.) (Here is Raven Goode's blog)

Shelby: Thank you for reading my blog and being so awesome. We met at a swim meet and you listened to me talk for like three hours straight. I miss you now that the High School swim season is over and we never seem to see each other. You have saved me many times like when I got in trouble for eating the Knights food and have always stood by my side. I am going to miss you next year, but we will see each other almost as much next year I think. Good luck with Camp and everything in the summer!

Allie: You are not going to read this, but I love you. You are so funny and every time I talk to you I have to laugh. You are great for advice and I am so glad we are going to the same school and swim next year!

Jake: I am not sure what to say, because things seem to change so much. Swim was the best with you, and sorry about anything I may have done (like being obsessed with my blue hand and showing it to you like twenty times). When you got hit at one of the meets, you were totally chill about it while I was over reacting. You always let me take your hat on the bus, and always gave me a ride when I needed it. You also deal with all of my food's random stories and text Eliza back when she takes my phone. I have no clue how next year will go, but this swim season was fun with you. Relax, you are you, not your sister, not your dad, you think too much! :)

Jinni: You also won't read this, but I freaking love you. I would do anything for you, and I am sorry when I totally freaked out at you. You are so sweet and innocent. You assume the best of everyone and I will kick anyone's butt who hurts you, Bruce or whatever his name is is really lucky you like him, because I think we both know how much I wanted to hurt him. You defend everyone and if I need a hug you are who I want to come to. Thank you for a great year at swim, and thanks for all the camp memories. Last year you kept me from being sent home, and you still think all the dancer jokes are funny. I really hope you are a Lancer, not a Nerd like Shelby! <3

X-ee: Reading my year book I wanted to get all emotional and hug you. Thank you so much for the help you have given me and for being nice. Thank you most of all for staying up till one in the morning to talk to me when I needed to talk to you. Talking to you helped me so much, you are the first person I have said all that to, I hope you get the whole picture now. You are so open minded and sweet and smart and pretty, what's not to love about that?

Sakura: You are so nice. You love everyone and always listen. I wish you the best of luck with some of the drama. You are sweet and strong, you are amazing actually. Thank you for being you, you are awesome and I want to thank your family for having you, because you are one of a kind and I am so glad I know you.

Moonshine: We must watch some more Mummy movies. This year has been so much fun with you. I hope we can hang out next year even though we are going to different schools.

Maddog: You have also been there for me though all of the camp stuff and this year. I am sorry for when I have made it awkward for you at lunch, and sorry that you don't think my dancing jokes are funny... I am so sad that we are going to different schools and neither one is going to camp again, but I hope I still see you. Good luck with band and everything! Like Jake, please relax, you are amazing and you need to be happy with that! You are a quilt, don't forget it. (P.S. Finish updating me on Ty please!)

Bro R: You are fantastic. I can't think of the right word for you. I didn't want to go to seminary, but you were okay with that. You just were patient and then when I finally did come to you, you listened and tried to help me. It is not about grades or even success with you, you love everyone. You said you were proud of me when you saw my seminary grade when from a B- to and I knew that you were truly proud of me. You stopped me after class often and always asked how I was. You have asked me if I am okay, and you wait for an answer and try to help. You won't read this, but I still need to say it. I wrote my story for you and everything, because you are genuine and really want to read it. You were more excited than I was when I came to talk to you after class about how happy I was. You wanted to help when I cried and you have great advice. I went to see you at a fireside (even though I felt like a stalker and hoped you wouldn't see me) and you looked directly at me so I knew you knew I was there and so I couldn't leave. After the fireside you came up and said how happy you were that I came. Your wife also gave me great advice at the fireside and seemed so friendly, and I am taking that advice. Seminary is so fun and I have never felt like I did in that class room. You may not believe me, but your class is the only one I have cried in, even though I cried so much. Oh, and thanks so much for telling the class I always look on the verge of tears, I have almost never been as red in my life as I was when you said that and made everyone in the class look at me.

Mr. T: I saved you for last. I walked into your class expecting to be quiet the whole year and have you forget me, not so much anymore. You would never let me just exist, you would call on me when I didn't raise my hand, you would make fun of me in front of the class, and you were genuinely interested in what I said most of the time. You once told me that a teacher's primary job is to care about the students and you were shocked that most teachers won't make eye contact with students. You have taught me so much, most of it being life lessons not semicolons and commas. You were always at meets because Jake was on the swim team too, and you would cheer for me too. You never got annoyed at my always coming in to ask questions after school and rarely got annoyed with me disagreeing with everything you said. You talk about my inter-greatness, seem to notice when ever I do something right. You have read my blog, you let me just give my liner notes to you instead of posting them on the wiki, and you told me when my liner notes didn't make sense. You have pretty much changed me by not letting me be quite. I have so much more to say, but I will just leave it at that for now. Also, thank you for everything. When you read my story that explains my liner notes you gave me feed back, even though it was out of your way. Your feedback made me cry, you don't know how much it meant to me. You actually care about all of your students and try to know each of them individually. Thank you for an amazing year.

I am going to miss you all! I really hope I get to see most of you next year. Amore! Adios! See ya! I hope at least one of you sees this...