Varsity/Oh No! Lyrics (written May/June of 2013)

Here is the rest of that Post! I am starting with rewriting the first part:

"Don't do love, don't do friends; I'm only after success.
Don't need a relationship, I'll never soften my grip.
Don't want cash, don't want car; want it fast, want it hard.
Don't need money, don't need fame: I just want to make a change.
I just wanna change. (x5)
I know exactly what I want and who I want to be.
I know exactly why I walk and talk like a machine. 
I'm now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy. 
Oh, oh no, oh no, oh no. 
One track mind, one track heart. If I fail I'll fall apart. 
Maybe it is all a test, 'cause I feel like I'm the worst -- so I always act like I'm the best. 
If you are not very careful, your possessions will possess you.
 TV taught me how to feel, now real life has no appeal.
It has no appeal, it has no appeal, it has no appeal, it has no appeal.

I know exactly what I want and who I want to be.

I know exactly why I walk and talk like a machine. 

I'm now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy. 

Oh, oh no, oh no, oh no.

I'm gonna live, I'm gonna fly. I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna die.

I'm gonna live, I'm gonna fly. I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna die, die, die, die.

I know exactly what I want and who I want to be.

I know exactly why I walk and talk like a machine. 

I'm now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy. 

Oh, oh no, oh no, oh no.

I know exactly what I want and who I want to be.

I know exactly why I walk and talk like a machine. 

I'm now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy. 

Oh, oh no, oh no, oh no.

Oh, oh no, oh no, oh no."

Marina & the Diamonds - Oh No

(The color is green for the chorus, but the rest of the color is just because I am bored)

I think I will use this song to demonstrate some of the things about this year. I will start with the most recent events.

"Don't do love, don't do friends; I'm only after success.

One track mind, one track heart. If I fail I'll fall apart. 

I'm now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy. 

I'm gonna live, I'm gonna fly. I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna die.

I know exactly what I want and who I want to be.

I just wanna change.

I tried so freaking hard all season. I think it was a little bit of an unhealthy obsession with varsity, but it goes with I'm now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy. I was so scared of not making Varsity, and in the end I didn't. All of encouraging all of my friends saying they would make it only made it sting more. 

I can't remember what I said, so maybe if I am feeling depressed I will come back and finish this post, but probably not. Basically this song is the song of my swim year.
 One track mind, one track heart. If I fail I'll fall apart. I had a one track mind and heart, I failed at my goal and fell apart.
"Don't do love, don't do friends; I'm only after success.I set everything (love, friends) aside for success in swimming.
I'm now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy.  I became my own self-fulfilled prophecy in failing, in falling apart, in the swim season not working out, and basically everything else I feared.
I'm gonna live, I'm gonna fly. I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna die. I felt like last year swimming I lived and soared in it metaphorically, then this year I failed and died in swimming because it sucked the life out of me.
I know exactly what I want and who I want to be.I knew my goal and exactly what I wanted, no question or second guessing it. and I all I wanted was to change and get better.
I just wanna change.I just wanted to change to be a better swimmer...
   That's all I am doing for now, I am to tired to do more and I don't want to get angry about again.

But I had strep during regions, so you can't blame me for maybe not swimming my best. I now (In August) regret nothing, because I am going to be a beast at swimming this year, and nothing will stop me. I am just dedicated and focused this year, but not fearful anymore. sometimes you have to hit the bottom of the pool before you can push back up to the surface. You have to pull an arrow back in a bow before you can launch it. basically: I am going to use this to make the best comeback possible. New goals, new perspective, new ideas, new knowledges, new hope, and old fears conquered by facing them. Better get ready Mr.T, because y'all aren't gonna know what hit you or how to comprehend that I don't need everyone like the coaches supporting me or even caring. And you can go help Nikki, or x-ee. Give Nikki skittles, you have made it clear I am old news since your son (Jake) ignored me at Cotillion. He decided he wanted a hicky from Nikki and you decided it was probably my fault. So prepared to be shocked when I am actually more confident now. Though thank you for being there when you were. It really meant a lot and I needed that confidence and help.

Shelby said many times, "It isn't a big deal, EVERYONE gets a letter. It doesn't even mean anything." which was I guess well intended, but it really stung when I didn't. 

Sorry the end of that got a little scatter brained and not very in-depth, but I am to done with this topic to finish, but I need to publish this so it doesn't sit there as a draft driving me crazy.

This quote kind of fits the swim season perfectly

"And the worst part is

Before it gets any better

We're headed for a cliff

And in the free fall

I will realize I'm better off

When I hit the bottom"

~Paramore, Turn it Off