School is Starting (2013)

"Be the change or get beat by the change"

So school starts tomorrow. I am not very excited for some reason, but I hope I will get excited tomorrow. This year is going to be great and swimming is going to be phenomenal. My day will be busy because I have to work though. I am excited to be doing so many things this year. So now onto highlights of the summer (that I can think of right now):

Kitty: Obviously this is not his name, but it suits him well. He works with me and is crazy, and obsessed with cats. He is really funny and Allie used to have a crush on him. He has an afro, but is really white. He is one of the only old guards who started out being nice to me, well nice isn't the right word, but he didn't look down on me and has been my friend. I am a little bit too mean to him on occasion though, so I should probably be nicer. But I think he likes my meanness and sarcastic-ness, because he always says I was his favorite shadow guard. (A shadow guard is someone who is going to be a lifeguard, but you have to "shadow" for 6 days. Shadowing means you get assigned to follow around one of the older guards for a shift and they mentor you. He was the third person I "shadowed" and way by far the funniest.) I usually just call him Perv, but I didn't want to put that as his name, because then you would just assume he is a pervert, but it is just an inside joke between us about how he is probably a perv. He calls me a perv too, but not as often as I call him one.

One of my supervisors, during a swim party I was lifeguarding at, told me to hide inside a garbage bag and jump out when one of my coworkers walked past to scare her. It worked, and my supervisor also scared me in the same way before that.

I went to the Big A** Show yesterday! It was a concert and it had bands like Panic! at the disco, Blue October, Capital Cities, Brogan Kelby, The Airborne Toxic Event, Pepper, and a few other bands. It was a lot of fun and I got to go in the mosh pit, which was an intense experience. I went with Allie and Fae. They were cool and I am glad I went with the two if them.

I have worked most of this summer. As a lifeguard (if you missed that part) at the pool I swim at for swim team.

I ran out of Danny's (which is not fake blog name of Denny's in case you were wondering.) on Friday this week and tried to  knock on Steven's truck window when he went through the drive thru, but his window was rolled down, so I almost punched him in the face. Then I laughed a lot while him, the guy in the passenger side of his truck, the girl at the drive thru window, and Shelby all stared at me. It was pretty funny, which I made sure to tell them all. And afterward Shelby told me Steven was on a date, but when I texted him to say sorry he said it was actually a guy (with long hair and a girly shirt Shelby tells me, I didn't actually see the guy, I am taking Shelby's word for it on his facial expression when I came up to the truck too, because I didn't actually see him.)

I went to Lake Powell, and Rae and I actually didn't fight, but we didn't really talk at all, so there was no time to fight. I also went to Swim Camp at BYU with Allie (which I think I kind of blogged about). I went down to Orem to visit my grandparents and their new house, my little sisters stayed overnight, but I had work so I couldn't.

Charlie: She is a girl I work with who has long blonde hair. She is really nice, but a lot of lifeguards find fault with her scanning the pool because she misses a lot sometimes. She can get on my nerves, and I have judged her for not noticing what is going on in the pool sometimes, but she is really a nice girl.
 As a twist in this story though, she made out with the guy who Shelby was going out with for a lot of the year. I can't remember what I made his name on my blog, but he is pretty cool. He wanted to meet my parents once, and he has given me a few rides, and he gives awesome hugs. I would never like him, but on Valentine's Day, the day of the swim banquet, (when I found out that I didn't letter and that Jake was leading me on and actually had a girlfriend) I was really upset and trying not to cry and he came up to me and, even when I said I didn't want a hug, he hugged me anyways and spun me around. It made me happy, so I made sure to hold it together until I got home. So even though we never talk, and he avoids me, I really think he is a good friend for that. And because when I decided to fast one day during the school year when I was taking steroids I started shaking and he let me use his jacket so I wouldn't be so cold. And once he stole my letterman jacket and hid in the boys bathroom. So basically, he is pretty cool, and I still think of him as a friend, even if he doesn't think of me as one. But don't get me wrong here, I would never like him. He is kind of like that one gay friend who is so fun to be around and so funny and nice, but you would never have a crush on him in a million years. Because the thought of him being anything besides a friend is disgusting, but not having a friend that randomly hugs you when you are having a bad day is kind of a depressing thought. (The hugging me when I was sad happened a lot, not just at the swim banquet.)

Also, a girl who I work with texted me one day when I was on-call, and asked me to switch her so she was on-call and I was working. I didn't want to, but then she told me she just found out she was lactose intolerant and ate something that made her sick, so I took it. Everyone at work thought I was crazy because they didn't see that as a good excuse, but being lactose intolerant myself I thought it was. So I took it, and she got more sick, so I would have been called in anyways. Then she took my shift for the Big A** Show, so we are friends now. She called Shelby a rude name, but she has been nice to me and, as far as I know, has been nice to everyone besides when she called Shelby a name.

That is all I can really think of right now, so ta-ta for now!

Sorry, haven't Blogged, getting on that now (2012)

"Sometimes in life, doing what we shouldn't do is the emergency, Peekay," -(Hoppie) The Power Of One Bryce Courtenay (pg. 75)

"You say that you love rain, but you open your umbrella when it rains.You say that you love the sun, but you find a shadow spot when the sun shines.You say that you love the wind, but you close your windows when wind blows.This is why I am afraid, you say that you love me too." -Unknown

Okay, summer has actually been awesome this year. One thing, well actually two things, I have noticed through all of this are: Firsts and Different Perspectives.

Some first have happened this summer, quite a few of them this last week. The most surprising first is Rae. Everyone in my family is all about how Rae has been doing so much better in the last year. They say that she is more mature and less stuck in the past, but I never have really seen it. This week we had a family reunion and I noticed it for the first time. Rae and I don't live together, and when ever we see each other it is an instant screaming match it seems like and often ends in her laughing and me crying. Whenever this happens it ends up with everyone taking my side and feeling bad for me and her losing it and saying why it is all unfair. This week we actually got along for the most part. She was nice to me consistently and I was nice to her consistently back. She didn't ever hit me and said very few mean things to me. She must be maturing, and I am glad. She kept talking about how when we were little she would always trick me and then trap me under the couch, but besides that she seems to be living in the present. She graduated this year and I am glad, it seems like a great thing for her.

The next first is not exactly a first. This whole last year (Like 12 months) have been full of new things. Last summer I was called a B**** multiple times for the first time(it was at space camp by a rude boy who pretty much made that my nickname). I am normally pretty calm, so people usually walk over me more than call me that. I guess that is what happens when you stand up for yourself. Last week I was called a Demon for the first time. I have been called a demon before actually, but never with the fire and hatred I heard about two days ago. After being called a demon I was accused of brainwashing everyone. Me and Cassidy had apparently brainwashed my sisters and all of the other kids there.

The other first is this year I have been getting a lot of people telling me just what they think of me. This kind of leads into the perspective part of my blog.

In the last year I have been called many things. It makes sense because different people are with me in different senarios, but it is interesting to me. I have been called an angle of the devil, a devil child, a demon, a B****, and a W****. I have also been called sweet and the nicest person, and great moral support and a whole slew of nice things. Everyone seems to have their own idea of me that doesn't seem to change.

How am I "The creepiest person to ever live" and "the Sweetest person alive" at the same time? Rae has the same problem she said. She says she is Rae the Slut to half of her school and Rae the goody two shoes half the time.


Okay, sorry this is just like a blog draft purging day! I don't know where I was going with this one either, and I am too lazy to reread it and try to figure out, so yep. have fun if you do read this. ...maybe I should stop putting these notes at the bottom, because I guess most of you would end up reading this last if you actually did read through.... oh well. toodles!

Ignore this, just like a random post I never published, thought I should for Posterity or when I want to lookback and remember the timeline of events in my teenage years or something

Summer Update! (2012) Summer After 9th grade, just a year or so late

"Skittles u should! Use the term yolo!" -Allie (This is irrelevent to anything right now, but it made me laugh because the term YOLO is so over used and cheesy.)



"I think about the million miles away where you are just a memory, and everyone will think I'm deep and not just lonely." -Bottle of Wine Patti Fiasco (This song may be a little country for your taste, but I really like the band.)

This summer has had a lot of firsts in it, so I think it's only fair to write a little about them. This summer has been exciting, definatly the most busy summer I can think of. Along with swimming and hanging out with friends I went on a few trips.


The first trip of the summer was to my grandparents' cabin. We went for fathers' day and had kind of a family reunion there. We were there for about three days and almost the whole time Rae and I got along- which is a first.


For the 4th of July my family went to wyoming to see my mom's parents.
I went on trek, pretty cool, but my family older brother and sister were not very committed or organized, but it was a good spiritual experience. and it reminded me how much stronger I was after 9th compared to after 7th grade (I went on trek then too). I went to powell, not much exciting there that I can think of....



Not finishing this either, but I guess this is just like an awkward journal entry or something, ignore it

Varsity/Oh No! Lyrics (written May/June of 2013)

Here is the rest of that Post! I am starting with rewriting the first part:

"Don't do love, don't do friends; I'm only after success.
Don't need a relationship, I'll never soften my grip.
Don't want cash, don't want car; want it fast, want it hard.
Don't need money, don't need fame: I just want to make a change.
I just wanna change. (x5)
I know exactly what I want and who I want to be.
I know exactly why I walk and talk like a machine. 
I'm now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy. 
Oh, oh no, oh no, oh no. 
One track mind, one track heart. If I fail I'll fall apart. 
Maybe it is all a test, 'cause I feel like I'm the worst -- so I always act like I'm the best. 
If you are not very careful, your possessions will possess you.
 TV taught me how to feel, now real life has no appeal.
It has no appeal, it has no appeal, it has no appeal, it has no appeal.

I know exactly what I want and who I want to be.

I know exactly why I walk and talk like a machine. 

I'm now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy. 

Oh, oh no, oh no, oh no.

I'm gonna live, I'm gonna fly. I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna die.

I'm gonna live, I'm gonna fly. I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna die, die, die, die.

I know exactly what I want and who I want to be.

I know exactly why I walk and talk like a machine. 

I'm now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy. 

Oh, oh no, oh no, oh no.

I know exactly what I want and who I want to be.

I know exactly why I walk and talk like a machine. 

I'm now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy. 

Oh, oh no, oh no, oh no.

Oh, oh no, oh no, oh no."

Marina & the Diamonds - Oh No

(The color is green for the chorus, but the rest of the color is just because I am bored)

I think I will use this song to demonstrate some of the things about this year. I will start with the most recent events.

"Don't do love, don't do friends; I'm only after success.

One track mind, one track heart. If I fail I'll fall apart. 

I'm now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy. 

I'm gonna live, I'm gonna fly. I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna die.

I know exactly what I want and who I want to be.

I just wanna change.

I tried so freaking hard all season. I think it was a little bit of an unhealthy obsession with varsity, but it goes with I'm now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy. I was so scared of not making Varsity, and in the end I didn't. All of encouraging all of my friends saying they would make it only made it sting more. 

I can't remember what I said, so maybe if I am feeling depressed I will come back and finish this post, but probably not. Basically this song is the song of my swim year.
 One track mind, one track heart. If I fail I'll fall apart. I had a one track mind and heart, I failed at my goal and fell apart.
"Don't do love, don't do friends; I'm only after success.I set everything (love, friends) aside for success in swimming.
I'm now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy.  I became my own self-fulfilled prophecy in failing, in falling apart, in the swim season not working out, and basically everything else I feared.
I'm gonna live, I'm gonna fly. I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna die. I felt like last year swimming I lived and soared in it metaphorically, then this year I failed and died in swimming because it sucked the life out of me.
I know exactly what I want and who I want to be.I knew my goal and exactly what I wanted, no question or second guessing it. and I all I wanted was to change and get better.
I just wanna change.I just wanted to change to be a better swimmer...
   That's all I am doing for now, I am to tired to do more and I don't want to get angry about again.

But I had strep during regions, so you can't blame me for maybe not swimming my best. I now (In August) regret nothing, because I am going to be a beast at swimming this year, and nothing will stop me. I am just dedicated and focused this year, but not fearful anymore. sometimes you have to hit the bottom of the pool before you can push back up to the surface. You have to pull an arrow back in a bow before you can launch it. basically: I am going to use this to make the best comeback possible. New goals, new perspective, new ideas, new knowledges, new hope, and old fears conquered by facing them. Better get ready Mr.T, because y'all aren't gonna know what hit you or how to comprehend that I don't need everyone like the coaches supporting me or even caring. And you can go help Nikki, or x-ee. Give Nikki skittles, you have made it clear I am old news since your son (Jake) ignored me at Cotillion. He decided he wanted a hicky from Nikki and you decided it was probably my fault. So prepared to be shocked when I am actually more confident now. Though thank you for being there when you were. It really meant a lot and I needed that confidence and help.

Shelby said many times, "It isn't a big deal, EVERYONE gets a letter. It doesn't even mean anything." which was I guess well intended, but it really stung when I didn't. 

Sorry the end of that got a little scatter brained and not very in-depth, but I am to done with this topic to finish, but I need to publish this so it doesn't sit there as a draft driving me crazy.

This quote kind of fits the swim season perfectly

"And the worst part is

Before it gets any better

We're headed for a cliff

And in the free fall

I will realize I'm better off

When I hit the bottom"

~Paramore, Turn it Off

Summer 2013 (As of July)

Okay this video is kind of stupid, but I like the actual song. It has been stuck in my head all day, well that and Funhouse by P!nk, which they are both really random songs, so don't ask me why.

I actually had a lifeguard shift from 9-12 today, so I was out guarding and just singing this song. (It's called "I Just Wanna Run") Try singing it with a wide range of emotions, it is kind of funny because it actually works really well with a lot of emotions. It works when you see your coach and want to freak out at him, or when a cute guy smiles at you or looks at you, or when you are thinking about anything, or even just plain nothing; try it, it works.

I do that with a lot of songs I have found though, like it works for the current emotion. Except Kryptonite by Three Doors Down, that one gives me a really hard negative adrenaline rush that is probably not healthy, but it motivates you to do well. By negative adrenaline rush I mean you get a lot of adrenaline, but you get really angry and upset and want to do something, but you don't even know what to do because nothing can really express your anger. I don't know if you ever feel that, but it is not good, your heart is beating really fast and you could do something with the adrenaline, but at the same time you can't because you start just shutting down. I heard Kryptnite a few weeks ago on my ipod when I was awake in the middle of the night and I decided to listen to it and see if I could get that adrenaline rush, and an hour later when I couldn't stop pacing and was really angry and upset I regretted it. So yeah, negative adrenaline rushes are not good.

But it is negative because it reminds me about varsity and how much my swim season sucked, I actually really like the song. In case you want to listen to it, here it is:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ooooh, maybe I should make this all about music!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay, so last week I went to a BYU sports camp for swimming, I learned a lot and I feel like my technique is greatly improved. I went with Allie and although we swam in different pools we hung out most of the day, these are the songs of the week: I Write Sins Not Tragedies by Panic at the Disco, All The Pretty girls on a saturday night by F.U.N., and Sunset in July by 311

Sunset in July by 311:

(I really like the guitar in this)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

All the Pretty Girls on a Saturday Night by F.U.N.

(vain isn't it?)

I am not going to include I Write Sins Not Tragedies because it swears and I don't know if that might offend someone, plus I don't feel like listening to it right now. You can go search it if you so desire.


_________________

I would add more, but I would prefer to add more music right now...


So for the end of the school year, as in the last few weeks, my song is Kyoto by Skrillex. It is a song that I listened to a few times with some of my friends, who are actually really girly and you would expect them to listen to Skrillex, but they love it, and so do I. Oh and one of my other songs for swim camp is "Breaking a Sweat" by skrillex, I will post that below the current video (Kyoto).

Kyoto---------------------------------^

Breaking a Sweat ----------------^

OKAY! So this is by no means done, but I don't want to finish it and school starts next week, so it will be too late to post it then, sorry you are getting half done posts, maybe next time I have an anxiety attack you can get a full hearted attempt at a post ;) Have fun, happy last week of summer, I will be better a blogging this school year, I Promise! (even if it is just a promise to myself, maybe if I say it I will do it.)

Okay this year I will
~Blog more
~make my "one thing" to work on be swimming
~not freak out and have an anxiety attack
~get Nick or Al (cute soccer player) to notice me or some other guy I actually like
~Not let The two snakes who ruined a lot of last swim season get to me ;) I think I got my revenge when I realized how much they care what I think and how they see me.
~That's it! sorry if you don't know me, or don't know me well and have absolutely no clue what I am talking about.... But noone has read this in like a year, except Allie last night, so I figure it doesn't matter if you understand because I am mainly talking to myself

Bye!

Hello Again

And the decades disappear like sinking ships, but we preserver. God gives us hope, but we still fear what we don't know. The mind is poison.
~ A Dustland Fairytale ~ The Killers ~


Okay, so I know I have like 5 different almost done posts, but it won't let me open them, so I am just starting from scratch. I was going to blog every month this summer, but that was kind of a no go, so here I am to end the summer with a post.
So big highlights of the summer are life guarding and swim camp, but it has actually been an exciting summer over all. I should go in order of importance or chronologically, but I think I will start with what is the biggest deal to me right now: Nick!
Before you get thinking I have a new boyfriend or something, let me explain. Nick was in my lifeguard certification class. When I heard his name I recognized it from when I was little, because we were neighbors. So I have a good memory of that and remembered him, but he had absolutely no idea who I was. So I talked to him a little and told Allie I thought he was cute, and she agreed to ask his friend to be her partner for practicing head splint spinals and I got to be with Nick. And after lifeguard certification we didn't really talk. UNTIL NOW!! Okay, fine, so we still haven't talked, but we have a date this week and I am so psyched for it!!! Here's what happened:
Last week when Allie and I were working the same shift, we happened to somehow get to the topic of who was a better friend. (Not in the girly, "No, you are a better friend!Oh stop it you are so much better"kind of way, more of in the, "Well I went to swim camp just for you, so therefore I am a better friend" kind of way.) So after we were done arguing we went to Danny's (a fast food restaurant) and kinda forgot about it. 
Later last week Allie and her guy friend Andy were hanging out, "prank" texting people from each other's phone. So Andy told Allie to text Nick and about hanging out on Thursday. So Nick said yeah, and Allie asked Andy if we (she and I) could come. So Nick said that we should just make it a double date. And instead of being last Thursday it is now some other day this week. But to bring the story back around, Allie is now winning the better friend contest for now. Because I really think this kid is cute and I almost (okay, maybe I did) shrieked with excitement when I heard about it (quietly of course, because you can't just scream in excitement at work). So do you want to hear about Nick? I think you do. He is tall (I would say definitely over 6'), shaggy brown hair, brown eyes, kinda buff but not like body builder (but he looks fit), super super shy, quiet, and he makes a really funny face when he holds his breath. Also he is patient, because the head splint spinal that I got to do with him took me forever to get, so he kept being patient after Allie had enough of me not figuring it out. (For the record though, it is actually one of the easiest saves.)
So I am thrilled about the idea of a date with him, and Allie is nice to set it up, because I know she may not be the most enthusiastic about going on another date with Andy. (They have gone out a few times and he really likes her, but it is a one sided thing.) I can hardly contain my excitement!! ...Except they are taking forever to plan the date, so what if it never happens?! What if I don't get to go on a date with Nick?! Well, either way, he is on the Dart swim team (Which practices with my team, the Lancers, for high school swim), so I guess I will still see him.

See, I get half way done with a post, then I begin to bore myself! How am I ever going to finish this?!

Okay, so going to Danny's is something I like to do with my friends after work sometimes, like going with different friends depending on who I work with. (I think the cashier there is starting to recognize me and knows what I am going to order now...) But last night I went with Allie and Shelby. And that is why I am blogging again, because they told me to. It was kind of funny and they read about themselves in my last post. Allie laughed when she figured out who "Ryan" was in my last post without even having to think very hard. Shelby got hair extensions, which are nice, but I actually love her hair short too. Allie got puppies, but then she had to give them away. 

Oh! I am going to the Big A** Concert this Saturday!! I am looking forward to it a lot! I am going to it with Allie and (Crap forgot my fake name for this friend...) Fae. Fae is on the track team and loves Panic! at the Disco, just like me. We had a .. misunderstanding.. earlier this year, but we are great friends again now. So I don't really know what else to say at the moment, so I will leave you. But first, listen to this song, even if you have already heard it. I love it. It is a great song, but actually listen, don't be shallow.

P.S. There is a guy at work, who is friends with Allie. He is a perv. That is his name to me, and yesterday he was talking about his parents' names and I burst out laughing, hysterically. I think he thought I was rude, until I said I was laughing because I already knew their names.... now he thinks I am creepy and stalk him. Moral of the story: Don't tell people when you have been stalking them on face book and if you think you might start laughing go away or come up with a really funny joke and pretend you just remembered it.

"leave your legacy in plaques that line the halls. hey shut up, hey shut up" Sorry, last quote (Andy you're a Star. The Killers) "Andy you're a star. In nobody's eyes but mine."   

"Ready to roll into something new?

It's taking its toll and I'm leaving without you

Cuz heaven ain't close in a place like this,

 I said, 'Heaven ain't close in a place like this'

Bring it back down, bring it back down tonight,

I never thought I'd let a rumor ruin my moonlight, 

well somebody told me that you had a boyfriend

who looked like a girlfriend,

 that I had in February of last year

It's not confidential, I've got potential

rushin' around rushin' around ...

 When all I want to do is try

Well somebody told me...."

Hahahahaha Totally just lied to you. But now I am done

Update! (As if anyone reads this)

Hi there! I have so much to say, the hard part is deciding what track to go off on, so bear with me if this gets confusing (or boring).

First: I am trying to think of a good quote, because I love quotes, but I am listening to music and it is hard to think about quotes when I am listening to music. I would quote the song I am listening to, but it doesn't fit... partially because I am not 100% what the song is talking about....

So friend update first? (Skip to the "New people this year" part if you want, this is just restating people I have talked about in the past in case they care)

SWIM PEOPLE:
Allie- Allie and I eat lunch together and are even closer this year. She is funny and we have all these inside jokes about Steven (her ex-almost boyfriend who this year said he liked her then ditched her and got a girlfriend). Allie is pretty cool and did life guard training with me and we are doing a swim camp this summer for a week at BYU. Nothing really more to say without getting nostolgic or something. Also, the memes you send me are hilarious. 

*Like this:

Shelby- Shelby! She came to school with me today! I think I embarrassed her, but it was so nice to come. She is out of school right now and I bribed her with fruit roll ups, and she brought her pet sugar glider. Her sugar glider is named Zuki and is really cute. She is the only person I can talk to about certain things and she had some very similar experiences to me this year. (more on this later)

Jinni- Jinni and I were close during the summer and we had summer drivers ed and called my friend Chris and had so many jokes about him. Over the year we stopped talked so much, but we talk sometimes.

Steven- Steven has been bipolar toward Allie and I am not really friends with him now. He is a Dart (goes to a different school), so I don't see him a lot.

Tom- I didn't really see Tom this year... he is pretty cool still though I think, even though we don't talk a ton.

Beth- Did I really include her in previous lists?! We aren't friends... nothing personal, she is great and all, but we aren't friends.

OLD SCHOOL FRIENDS:
Pink Lady- I never see Pink Lady! She is a Dart (so we don't go to the same school). I need to call her up, because she is just so freaking amazing and we need to catch up. She, as far as I know, is into taking AP world and Pinterest and being asian and being a genius.

Taylor- Taylor and I never see each other, but we have hung out a few times. She has needed to talk to teachers before and I have gone with her (for moral support) like she did with Mr.T last year. We went on a double date a month or so ago and we say "hi" to each other in the halls. It is sad, because she is one of my best friends, but maybe during the summer we can hang out more.

Moogle Kid, Salsa Sideways, Zenna, Ezlob, Raven Goode- I never see any of you, but I guess we have texted a few times. You never figured out if there was a mystery boy though and who it might be, I am disappointed in all of you guys and you sub-par creeper tools. Raven Goode I see at church, but that is about it.

Sakura- I never see you anymore, but I still love you! You are just amazing and I love your writing.

NEW PEOPLE THIS YEAR :
  Okay, if you want real info, this is what is interesting.

Ryan- Ex-Boyfriend... stalker.... I use then interchangeably. He was sweet, but got a little needy. Want honesty? He ruined a lot of the swim season by being depressing. BUT he was nice and took me of real dates and tried his best and really I feel bad for him. We only went out a few times, but he is my first kiss, which is pretty special.

There are a few people this year (that I am not going to name because that will just complicate things) that tried to make this year miserable. I have started to not care, but for a while it really worked and I hated life and swim and I just wanted to be alone and to not care.

Tay- Tay is a friend as of this year, she is amazing and we have fit for life together, she is so sweet and I just love her.

Mama M- I never call her this, but Jacky and Nat Cat do (I will explain Nat Cat in a minute). Mama M is the best. We always walk during lunch and talk and she is easy to relate to. We don't agree on everything, but we are very similar in a lot of opinions. She is one of my best friends and can understand complicated relationships (family and otherwise) better than most.

Nat Cat- Nat Cat I actually call Nat Cat. Sometimes I use her real name, but I like Nat Cat. She is best friends with Jacky and, along with Mama M, they have a trio. Nat Cat seems quiet at first but she really isn't. She is really funny and is nice. I only got to know her well recently though because we have math together.

Lassy- I mostly just wanted to type Lassy.... He hates being called Lassy, but that's what he gets. He called me Katniss the other day though, so I think we are kind of even. He is in my Fit for Life class and is a comedian. He can be harsh and sometimes doesn't know when to stop a joke, but he is pretty cool still. He took Mama M to Prom and has so much energy. He has more energy than almost anyone I have ever met.

Carl- Jacky and Carl like each other and they talk a lot. I don't know Carl well, but he is really funny and yep. Oh, and he took Jacky to Prom.

CC- Notice how the names are getting less and less creative? CC is the boy who I went to Prom with. He was in my health class and we became friends. He is a pretty cool cat and we are good friends. He is best friends with Carl, I think. We also went to MORP together. By the way my Prom group had CC, me,  Jacky, Carl, Lassy, Mama M, and two other couples in it, just to clarify in case you are trying to keep track. (Though I don't know why because this seems boring and confusing probably.)

Jake- I honestly don't know what to say about him right now, I'll get back to you on that.... or not, depends on my mood and if I continue to blog.


I would give a brief overview of this year, but it might get boring because it might start going off on random stories and bore you, so for now I guess it will be a mystery....


But for now: I am going to work for Surf-n-Swim soon, I took the AP World History test, I got a 97% on my Math CRT and a 91% on my science, friends are good, no romance (which is good right now), I am doing Surfers, and yep, that's about it. (at least for the last week or so, things always change ya know.)


Happy Weekend! only 3 more days of School!!!!!

Varsity (Only a Few Months Late)

"It takes all kinds of people to make a world." 

-Cry, the Beloved Country- Alan Paton

Okay, so here's the thing. I have started a few posts, but never finish or publish them. So you want the update? hmmm... where to start?
Okay, quote of yesterday, or the week, or today... not sure, just know yesterday I couldn't stop thinking about this song. It is a pop song, but it describes it all pretty well.

"Don't do love, don't do friends; I'm only after success.
Don't need a relationship, I'll never soften my grip.
Don't want cash, don't want car; want it fast, want it hard.
Don't need money, don't need fame: I just want to make a change.
I just wanna change. (x5)
I know exactly what I want and who I want to be.
I know exactly why I walk and talk like a machine. 
I'm now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy. 
Oh, oh no, oh no, oh no. 
One track mind, one track heart. If I fail I'll fall apart. 
Maybe it is all a test, 'cause I feel like I'm the worst -- so I always act like I'm the best. 
If you are not very careful, your possessions will possess you.
 TV taught me how to feel, now real life has no appeal.
It has no appeal, it has no appeal, it has no appeal, it has no appeal.

I know exactly what I want and who I want to be.

I know exactly why I walk and talk like a machine. 

I'm now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy. 

Oh, oh no, oh no, oh no.

I'm gonna live, I'm gonna fly. I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna die.

I'm gonna live, I'm gonna fly. I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna die, die, die, die.

I know exactly what I want and who I want to be.

I know exactly why I walk and talk like a machine. 

I'm now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy. 

Oh, oh no, oh no, oh no.

I know exactly what I want and who I want to be.

I know exactly why I walk and talk like a machine. 

I'm now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy. 

Oh, oh no, oh no, oh no.

Oh, oh no, oh no, oh no."

Marina & the Diamonds - Oh No

(The color is green for the chorus, but the rest of the color is just because I am bored)

I think I will use this song to demonstrate some of the things about this year. I will start with the most recent events.

"Don't do love, don't do friends; I'm only after success.

One track mind, one track heart. If I fail I'll fall apart. 

I'm now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy. 

I'm gonna live, I'm gonna fly. I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna die.

I know exactly what I want and who I want to be.

I just wanna change.

These all have to do with me in different ways. Last night I kept thinking "One track mind, one track heart. If I fail I'll fall apart." See last night was the swim banquet, and it went.. less than amazing. It for the most part fun. some highlights were:

• I covered my friend Jenny's eyes and said, "guess who?" like I do every time I see her, but she threw out her arms for some reason and hit someone who was carrying a couple pieces of cake, which was pretty funny when he dropped it and we all just kind of stood there not knowing what to do and laughing.
• When my friend Tyler would hug me he kept picking me up, which is scary but really fun, he even spun me around! (If anyone like Moogle Kid is reading this, no there is not romantic connection, we are just friends, but I will get to that later.)
• Allie kept making snarky comments about everything and it made me laugh. Also, Jacky left early, so Allie asked me to come get "Irishman Luck" from one of the coaches who is going on a mission. Since he will be gone for two years I decided to inform him it was called Irishman Luck...
• I sat by my friend Kelly, and that was a lot of fun because she is nice and hearing her mom talk to my mom was hilarious.
• Everyone was so excited to see each other, so people made it fun!

On to the negatives:

• I didn't letter.
• The whole banquet was dedicated to one of the team captains (let's call him Erik), and to a lesser extent one of the other captains (Sally) and Jake.
• I learned a few hard truths that stung, but in the long run I guess it is good to not be questioning.

You may or may not know what lettering is, it is getting a certificate saying you made varsity. It may not seem like a big deal to you, but it is a HUGE deal for me. I have thought about varsity almost everyday, and pretty much everyone I talk to regularly knows it. I know exactly what I want and who I want to be. 

I have swam like crazy all year, I have swam year round, I have asked EVERY single coach for help (except the head coach, because if you are not Erik or Jake he will not give you the time of day), I haven't missed swim for anything- even when it would be advisable to. I swam with bronchiolitis, croup, strep (twice), asthma, and a few colds. (Yes, I have been very sick this winter.) I am not trying to throw a pity party, but I want you to see a little about how much it meant.

I talk about it a lot, I have asked every person remotely connected to the sport who has seen me or been a swimmer themselves for advice. I have taken everyone's advice and tried it at least a little. I have gone home and fallen asleep almost immediately because I am so tired from swim. I just wanna change. My grades have suffered and my body and mind have definitely suffered as well as many of my friendships. Don't do love, don't do friends; I'm only after success.

I feel like I have done everything I possibly could, I couldn't ask for more help or work harder or put anymore effort in, but I still didn't make my goal. I still didn't letter, no matter how hard I tried. A lot of my friends didn't work as hard or care as much (I feel okay saying that because they would agree) but they lettered. Shelby has even commented often, "It isn't really a big deal, EVERYONE gets a letter. It doesn't even mean anything." 

Even though it isn't a big deal to her, to me it is everything. I lost it when they first announced in October the (then) current varsity prediction and I wasn't on it: I was fine . . .  until I got home, at which point I cried until I fell asleep, then woke up and cried some more. One track mind, one track heart. If I fail I'll fall apart.  I worked harder after that, but in the end it didn't make me letter. (I don't cry much, even though this might make you think I do.)

I do want to point out that about two or three days after region I found out I had bad strep, so maybe if I hadn't been sick I wouldn't have gained time and I would have scored points at region. (I got one place lower than I needed to get to score points at regions, which is the only thing I needed that I didn't have for lettering.)

What I hate is the coaches have this phrase they love to use. It is: "You are just right there." Just right there means you are just at the point where you could either pass or fail. Basically, it means you are the best you can be while still failing or you are the first loser, or anything along those lines. 

"Just right there" ... Possibly my least favorite phrase. It is like saying, "You are okay.. but it means nothing at all, sorry. sucks to suck"

Okay, it has been like three months since I last wrote on this.. but I think I will kinda go off again and finish, though it might be a little different because time has passed. I will start with the next part of the song,

Summer! (Part One)

I haven't posted anything since school got out, but I am going to try to now. This summer has been kind of crazy. I have seen and hung out with people I didn't during the school year and everything seems different. I actually got along with Rae for a whole weekend this summer (which is a first). I went to a family reunion with family members I have met maybe once tops. And I of course have hung out with various friends.

One of the groups I have hung out with a few times is my swim group. There are people like Shelby or Bre or Jinni that are from swim and are sometimes in this group, but they can't come a lot so I am not including them in this. The swim group consists of mainly six people: Allie, Jake, Steven, Tom, Beth, and me. These are the people who were on the club team before high school swim. Half of us are Lancers and the other half are Darts, so we would never really see each other or be friends if it wasn't for swim. Before I tell you about the adventures we have had I think you should know a little about each of us.

Allie: Allie is at first sight stereotypical. She is pretty; very athletic; and loves to talk about clothes, make up, and boys. She is more than that once you get to know her though. She is full of surprises. She is funny and says things that you don't expect to hear, like asking through out a whole movie who the bad guy is or which guy is batman in the batman movies. Allie and I are usually the one to plan hanging out with swim people, and we are pretty good friends now. Allie and Jake are the ones who convinced me to join the club swim team, and Allie made me join the high school team.

Steven: Steven is funny. He is like Allie, but isn't friendly to me. I always call him short and he always tells me that he is taller than me, I just always wear boots so you can't tell. Steven likes to tease me about Jake, and I tease him about Allie.

Jake: Jake is the hardest to fit into only a few sentences. Jake and I have been friends the longest out of anyone in the group I think. Jake is funny and helps hold the group together. Steven always talks about how cool Jake is, and I think everyone agrees he is pretty cool. Jake is the only one in this group that went to the same school as me this year. He was also in Honors english.

Tom: Tom and Jake are both tall. They are easy to spot in our group because steven and I are short and Allie and Beth are only a few inches taller. Tom is nice and is really funny. We don't like each other, but we joke about having "moments" a lot. He is really relaxed and is the most mellow and calm one of the group.

Beth: I almost didn't know if I should include Beth, because she doesn't always come. She is busy a lot, and Allie and I have both had issues with her. She is very flirty, which sometimes get her friends, and sometimes causes problems. She is nice and is pretty. I am not really close with her, so I don't know what else to say.

Me: Okay, I know you already know about me, but I thought I should include myself anyways....but that is all I have to say about myself in the group

This week I hung out with the swim group or parts of the swim group a few times. On Friday for the first time in hanging out with them Steven was nice to me. Steven was at Lagoon with us and he started being friendly and not insulting anyone, not that it lasted long. An hour or two into his being nice Allie found a stuffed animal on the ground. It was a stuffed banana (so technically not an animal) dressed like Batman. Allie thought someone had abandoned it, even though it looked to me like someone had set it down. Steven convinced her it really was just left there, so she took it. When she was walking away he told her it probably belonged to someone, but by then she was too far away to want to go back. We decided to name the stuffed banana, and we ended up with two names: Beau and Jake. Beau because it sounds like Bo, short for Botassium, which sounds like potassium, which bananas have a lot of, but Po seemed too Teletubbies like. Beau is the name that Allie and I liked. jake came up because Steven really wanted to name it jake. He kept teasing me by throwing the banana at me and saying, "Here, Space Rabbit, hold jake." Even though Allie and I vetoed the name jake and thought that the real Jake would be weirded out by the name Steven kept insisting it be named jake. (I didn't capitalize the "j" so you would know which Jake it was.)

I kind of want to tell you about the two "Moments" Tom and I had; and about going to (the person) Jake's house to see if he was faking not being able to come, which he was; and about the strange Batman movie; but this looks like a journal entry, and is frankly boring, to read, even for me, so I will stop.

Once I get back into the blogging I might be able to write something interesting like about philosophy, but for now this is the best I can think of, so tune in later for something better to read. Congratulations if you got through this whole thing, even skimming. :)

Last Post of the School Year! (even though school is out...) Conformity again and People

"you sign prince of darkness
try squire of dimness 
please don't help me with this"

-She's Your Cocaine Tori Amos

I have so much to say, so be prepared for a monster post. First, I need to follow up on my conformity post because I guess I didn't make my point right. I also wanted say goodbye to all of my readers and followers and friends and Mr. Thompson, of course. Like last time I am going to try and break all of the ideas up by color.

Okay, now I really am going to do a follow up "Conforming to Nonconformism" post because I don't think I made my point clear.

Conformism is to comply to society, not to be a robot. Someone told me that we all have our own personal degree of conformity and nonconformity. This made me think of it like a color spectrum, you know the line that goes through all the colors, but is basically just a strip. This made me kind of mad, because it doesn't seem like that at all to me. I think of it more like the color circle you see when choosing a font color in word. there are so many ways to be different, it is not as uniform as the spectrum makes it out to be. We don't just have degrees, we have our own style and taste and go about life, you can't graph that by just a spectrum. Everyone is completely different and may act how you see as normal, but that is because you only see one side of them. No one is the definition of normal that you have in your mind, and you can't take it as degrees by just what you may see of them at that time. You have no idea who someone is or who they are going to be, you can't say "Oh, they are a conformist, they have no creativity what so ever. They only want to fit in, they don't actually think anything nearly as creative and useful as me because they are so busy acting like someone else so they can be accepted." By thinking that you would be thinking like so many and making your own thoughts less unique, oh the irony of it all. You can't think that secretly everyone wants to be like you or that everyone is faking, your group is the only truly genuine one. You are you, you don't want to be like so-and-so, and I would bet so-and-so doesn't dream of being you. There is not one type of person, you can't assume that there is. There is not a set number of "types of people" if fact most people are more than one "type" of person, it depends on mood and company, so stop thinking that someone is fake. All that needs to matter to you about how they act is what effects you. As long as they are happy and their behavior isn't hindering or harming you, you don't need to assume there is some secret depression or hidden motive to their actions just let it be.

These pictures don't show quite what I had in mind, but they do show you something. See how on the spectrum there are different colors, but there are like main colors that are the same on top and bottom, and there is only so many different colors you would be able to be. The circles have different shades from the middle to the edge. There is a lot more room for variation. On the hexagon shaped one you can see more about how many different things there are, it isn't just blue or purple, it are many different blues. In the spectrum you can mainly see one blue, but in the hexagon you can try to count, but there are so many and some of the colors you may classify as blue but someone else would classify it as something else.

Something that I have been hearing a lot lately is that you need to be honest Not like saying don't lie, but like the truth needs to be spoken."It is okay to hate people," is something I have heard from a few sources. My problem is I don't like to make people upset. I am so concerned with if I am going to hurt so-and-so sometimes that it just hurts me. I am learning that you don't actually have to be nice to everyone like you are told to be. Another thing said to me is, "The truth is hard, but it must be spoken." You may not see this as incredibly profound, but it is good advice. It is hard to say something that will make someone upset, but it is sometimes necessary. When someone is not doing something okay, there is only so much tolerance they should expect. You hear nonstop that you need to not judge people, but I was told that it isn't your job to judge people, but it is your job to judge how good they are for you. This seems good, because you aren't condemning anyone, but you also aren't being a push over. You can assume everyone is good at heart while knowing that you are not the one supposed to be their friend and help them. You may help them and bring them up, but if they are bringing you down more than you are bringing them up, it's not good and you should rethink it. You can say that not everyone is as lucky as some, situations are all different and you can't assume you understand anybody's situation. At the same time, you can control somethings. One of my teachers said something about how some people are dealt a crappy hand of cards, but after a while the cards are what you make them. You don't need to be sorry about your life and just feel bad for yourself, you can change your life. You may not be able to change everything, but you can change how you think about it. Your hand of cards is now up to you, there are some factors you can never change, but really most factors you can change.

Another thing I have heard is: You need to stand up and fight for yourself. I personally will stand up for almost anyone, but I won't defend myself. My friend Jinni seems similar to me in defending people. She is okay with someone talking crap about her, but as soon as on of her friends gets hurt she is right there. Once this boy named Tucker kept saying things about my friend Jinni and I lost it at him. I told him how wrong he was and was getting really worked up. When he got sick of it he shoved me as hard as he could. I hit a wall and blacked out for just a second, I couldn't really stand back up, but I tried. When Jinni heard me hit the wall she turned around and as soon as she saw it she ran up. She had her arms around me and started yelling at that Tucker as loud as she could.

~~

I guess that is some year end advice or something. On to people!

~~

Goodbye! (although I think I will try to keep posting if I can, and I will see some of you next year.)

Pink Lady: How do I begin with you? You always listen to my Eddie stories, and side with me. You hate Joanne because Joanne and I have a rivalry, and you are very... verbal about it. I can't help but laugh when you call her names, even though it is so mean to laugh. You seriously help me so much in Honors English and I don't know if I would ever remember my Biology without you. You are funny and nice and just all around awesome. I love the conversations we have had and am so sad we aren't going to the same school next year! Who will I tell all my Eddie stories to?! I love you so much, you are an amazing friend. (Oh, and thanks for giving me a ride that one time, your car was so cool with all the Thai music and Thai speaking!)

Taylor: You won't read this, but you are one of my best friends. You have been by my side through it all. You have never teased me about what everyone else does and you always listen. This year I think we really became good friends. You went to Mr. T's room with me every time I had to go talk to him (which was a lot), even if you rolled your eyes or didn't understand why. You are so nice and sweet to everyone. You get my humor and are always nice and and in a good mood. You work hard and are really funny. You don't accept compliments, but you deserve everyone of them. You got student of the month in music this year and you deserved it. You didn't want to go if the teacher was going to talk about you, but you did anyways and got a double speech! You never judge and try to be nice to everyone. Thank you for always being there and for talking to Thompson like everyday. I still have your pictures from the beginning of the year and will never forget your clay cat, our garbage elephant, or painting at the carnival in sixth grade. Also, you protect me from 4'0'' seventh graders...

Fae: You are evil and have never been nice to me, but I still love you. You look so sweet and kind, but then you are not. You come up to my locker to tell me that I am stupid and never run out of insults, but you are so funny I can't help but laugh. Fridays are your good day I guess, but only verbally you told me. You body slam me in the halls and shove me into groups of people and random lockers, and even push Taylor so she will hit me, but it is so funny I can't be mad. I am going to be sad to not see you next year, there will be no one to "bully" me and no one for me to "Report."

Moogle Kid, Salsa Sideways, Zenna, Ezlob, Raven Goode: I don't know where to start with you. Moogle Kid, thanks for writing about me in your blog. My favorite quote of yours was "A little shy, she is overlooked for most of the games, until the other competitors realize there's someone missing. She can swim, she can hide, and she has Jamie." When I see that I really wonder if I am that invisible that no one would even realize I was gone? I hope I have changed that and you see me now. ;) Also, do I hide? And thank you so much for making my identity about a boy. I must mean a whole ton. Now I get that it is different, I think now you know me better. I am almost sorry about creeping you out, but it is a great way to get back at you. You write fiction and then act like it is me, but it is so funny. It is great to me that even when I hold your face to make you squirm you still will talk to me. I would like to think we are friends, but FYI I am just me, not a combo of me and a boy who you want me to be with ;). I hope we see each other again too. Your "Sarah and Jamie" thing was annoying, but it was funny and I am glad we are friends, even if it took in inordinate amount of cracks at my life. (Oh, and if fiction is based on reality, what is Star Wars based on?! hmmmmm?!?)

Assuming I got the names right, Salsa I am going to miss you. Lunch was pretty fun, watching you eat your muffin with a knife everyday and making fun of me (Y'all sure like to do that...) and talking about seminary. I still can't believe that you don't like seminary and were never nice to the teacher.. *Shakes head* Oh, and Zenna only reminds me of you, You are my favorite.

Zenna, I will not ever forget you, no matter how hard I may try. We started out as not great friends, but in Biology and Foods I think that changed. From the notes we passed and all that to "I saw that glance!!" we had some good times. In social dance we had fun, and you seem to get what I say the best out of Moogle and Salsa and Ezlob and you. You don't get awkward either... Oh, and just wanted to tell you that, "Every time we touch, I get this feeling..." (To anyone else who may read that and suddenly feel really awkward: it is the lyrics to a song for social dance... Yeah, Moogle kid doesn't seem to get it either...)

Ezlob: YOU Killed MY Stickman! You call him twisty tie man, but his name was stick man and I made him and you killed him. I will never forgive you.

Raven Goode: Sorry if you were annoyed after the dance. It has been fun getting to know you, you are so sweet. I'm sad you're going to davis. In fact, you all are... I will stalk you all or something, because who will mock me mercilessly without you guys there?

(Here is Moogle Kid's Blog if you want to see. This post explains some of the names and "Sarah and Jamie" stuff.) (Here is Raven Goode's blog)

Shelby: Thank you for reading my blog and being so awesome. We met at a swim meet and you listened to me talk for like three hours straight. I miss you now that the High School swim season is over and we never seem to see each other. You have saved me many times like when I got in trouble for eating the Knights food and have always stood by my side. I am going to miss you next year, but we will see each other almost as much next year I think. Good luck with Camp and everything in the summer!

Allie: You are not going to read this, but I love you. You are so funny and every time I talk to you I have to laugh. You are great for advice and I am so glad we are going to the same school and swim next year!

Jake: I am not sure what to say, because things seem to change so much. Swim was the best with you, and sorry about anything I may have done (like being obsessed with my blue hand and showing it to you like twenty times). When you got hit at one of the meets, you were totally chill about it while I was over reacting. You always let me take your hat on the bus, and always gave me a ride when I needed it. You also deal with all of my food's random stories and text Eliza back when she takes my phone. I have no clue how next year will go, but this swim season was fun with you. Relax, you are you, not your sister, not your dad, you think too much! :)

Jinni: You also won't read this, but I freaking love you. I would do anything for you, and I am sorry when I totally freaked out at you. You are so sweet and innocent. You assume the best of everyone and I will kick anyone's butt who hurts you, Bruce or whatever his name is is really lucky you like him, because I think we both know how much I wanted to hurt him. You defend everyone and if I need a hug you are who I want to come to. Thank you for a great year at swim, and thanks for all the camp memories. Last year you kept me from being sent home, and you still think all the dancer jokes are funny. I really hope you are a Lancer, not a Nerd like Shelby! <3

X-ee: Reading my year book I wanted to get all emotional and hug you. Thank you so much for the help you have given me and for being nice. Thank you most of all for staying up till one in the morning to talk to me when I needed to talk to you. Talking to you helped me so much, you are the first person I have said all that to, I hope you get the whole picture now. You are so open minded and sweet and smart and pretty, what's not to love about that?

Sakura: You are so nice. You love everyone and always listen. I wish you the best of luck with some of the drama. You are sweet and strong, you are amazing actually. Thank you for being you, you are awesome and I want to thank your family for having you, because you are one of a kind and I am so glad I know you.

Moonshine: We must watch some more Mummy movies. This year has been so much fun with you. I hope we can hang out next year even though we are going to different schools.

Maddog: You have also been there for me though all of the camp stuff and this year. I am sorry for when I have made it awkward for you at lunch, and sorry that you don't think my dancing jokes are funny... I am so sad that we are going to different schools and neither one is going to camp again, but I hope I still see you. Good luck with band and everything! Like Jake, please relax, you are amazing and you need to be happy with that! You are a quilt, don't forget it. (P.S. Finish updating me on Ty please!)

Bro R: You are fantastic. I can't think of the right word for you. I didn't want to go to seminary, but you were okay with that. You just were patient and then when I finally did come to you, you listened and tried to help me. It is not about grades or even success with you, you love everyone. You said you were proud of me when you saw my seminary grade when from a B- to and I knew that you were truly proud of me. You stopped me after class often and always asked how I was. You have asked me if I am okay, and you wait for an answer and try to help. You won't read this, but I still need to say it. I wrote my story for you and everything, because you are genuine and really want to read it. You were more excited than I was when I came to talk to you after class about how happy I was. You wanted to help when I cried and you have great advice. I went to see you at a fireside (even though I felt like a stalker and hoped you wouldn't see me) and you looked directly at me so I knew you knew I was there and so I couldn't leave. After the fireside you came up and said how happy you were that I came. Your wife also gave me great advice at the fireside and seemed so friendly, and I am taking that advice. Seminary is so fun and I have never felt like I did in that class room. You may not believe me, but your class is the only one I have cried in, even though I cried so much. Oh, and thanks so much for telling the class I always look on the verge of tears, I have almost never been as red in my life as I was when you said that and made everyone in the class look at me.

Mr. T: I saved you for last. I walked into your class expecting to be quiet the whole year and have you forget me, not so much anymore. You would never let me just exist, you would call on me when I didn't raise my hand, you would make fun of me in front of the class, and you were genuinely interested in what I said most of the time. You once told me that a teacher's primary job is to care about the students and you were shocked that most teachers won't make eye contact with students. You have taught me so much, most of it being life lessons not semicolons and commas. You were always at meets because Jake was on the swim team too, and you would cheer for me too. You never got annoyed at my always coming in to ask questions after school and rarely got annoyed with me disagreeing with everything you said. You talk about my inter-greatness, seem to notice when ever I do something right. You have read my blog, you let me just give my liner notes to you instead of posting them on the wiki, and you told me when my liner notes didn't make sense. You have pretty much changed me by not letting me be quite. I have so much more to say, but I will just leave it at that for now. Also, thank you for everything. When you read my story that explains my liner notes you gave me feed back, even though it was out of your way. Your feedback made me cry, you don't know how much it meant to me. You actually care about all of your students and try to know each of them individually. Thank you for an amazing year.

I am going to miss you all! I really hope I get to see most of you next year. Amore! Adios! See ya! I hope at least one of you sees this...